Five: Cruel Fate

Jennifer was waked at MacAdams Funeral Home; a tasteful colonial house set on the back of a beautifully landscaped lot. Richie was not aware of anything except that he was going to his wife’s visitation. Jon had promised him that he’d take care of the media nonsense, but he knew he was going to have to say something. He knew, too that he was going to have to get on the board and say a thank you to everyone before Tiffany shut it down. She was leaving it open until after the funeral so Stephanie and Cheryl could provide updates to the girls who couldn’t make it to Boston, but after that, she was closing it down. To Tiffany, it didn’t seem right to keep it going without Hath.

Even though Richie helped pick out the casket, the spray of lilacs across the lower portion, and was there when Mary Agnes brought out clothes for Jen to be dressed in, the first sight of her laid out took the breath from his lungs. She truly looked as if she was sleeping, and from across the room, he’d never have known she was in a horrifying plane wreck.

Up close, though, he could tell. The blond wig wasn’t quite the right style, but it was close; the makeup didn’t quite cover all the cuts and bruising, and her left hand was still all bandaged. Her right hand was crossed over left, with a rosary wrapped around them. Her engagement and wedding rings glittered incongruously against the muted pallor of her skin.

Richie lowered himself to the kneeler and talked to Jennifer for a long time. Eventually, he felt Mary Agnes kneel beside him, and her husband stand behind them. John and Susan joined them, and the five people who loved her most in the world prayed.

Soon, other people began filtering in, and Richie stood numbly in the receiving line, wishing the night was over already. His gaze never strayed far from his wife, and he watched people come and go for the better part of two hours. Close to the end of the visitation, Krissy stood in the front of the room.

“Hi everyone,. If you don’t know me, I’m Krissy, one of Jennifer’s best friends. We’re gathering at our restaurant afterwards to raise a toast to our friend and sister, and you’re all welcome to come.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The parking lot at the restaurant was full, overflowing to the street. Krissy’s husband Matt put a sign on the door that said ‘closed for private gathering’ and had been cooking all day. Trays of food lined the counters and bar, and he had several of his most trusted staff in to serve the gathering. Once everyone was assembled, the stories began. People all had something they wanted to say. Soon, there were pockets of laughter amid the tears.

Stephanie smiled and stood up, addressing the gathering.


"I want to share a story with you. I met Hath er Jen, just six months ago on an on-line chat forum. The love of a certain band -- I'm sure I don't need to tell you which band -- brought many of us together and I, for one, formed friendships that will carry on long after today is over. With her wit and wisdom, her wicked sense of humor and her penchant for being more than a little naughty, she drew us all to her. She would listen when we were struggling, laugh with us when we felt like being silly and offer whatever advice she could when we needed it."

There were nods and murmuring of agreement from the girls from T’s Place.

"When I met Jen in real life, on my first trip to Boston back in July, there was no awkward first time meeting hellos; she hugged me like we had known each other all our lives. She let me into her home, introduced me to her family and I was accepted without question.

"That weekend is one I won't ever forget. Everywhere we went that weekend, we took the Harley she so loved. We spent time with her family and I got to know her, the real her. A lot of people think that the people you meet online aren't what they seem when you meet them in person. I say that's a load of crap. Jen was every inch the person she claimed to be on that forum. I am glad that I got to know her even if it was for way too short a time.

"She inspired me that weekend too. I went home and learned to drive my own motorcycle, something I had always wanted to do and had been too afraid to try; and she was the first person I wanted to tell when I bought my own Harley. She was so happy for me. My only regret is that we'll never get to ride together again.

"She was also the first and only woman I have ever slept with. Yes, you heard that right. From that first time I stayed with her until just a few days ago, whenever I was visiting, as long as Richie wasn't there, we shared her bed. If her bed could talk we'd be in big trouble. There were lots of long talks, laughter and tears shared there, not to mention the gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream we always seemed to need. It was also in that bed that I first talked to Richie. I remember Jen and I were watching a movie when he called. Jen's face lit up as she talked to him."

Stephanie turned to Richie. "She loved you even then Rich. I hope I'm lucky enough to find a love like that one day."

Stephanie raised a glass and her eyes heavenward. "Jen, Hath, my friend, my sister, I don't think there's enough mint chocolate chip out there to help me tonight. I love you, I miss you, I wanna be just like you when I grow up."

Gail was nodding along with everyone else, and had a big smile on her face, recalling her own memories.

"I remember Hath meeting me at the hotel in the UK for the Southampton concert. She'd already met Richie by then, and she'd finally told me about him. Damn I nearly killed the bitch! She'd kept it from me, even knowing we'd get to meet them backstage after the concert. But she caved in and Christ what a night that was!" She turned to gaze at Richie.

"I watched as her face light up like a light house when she spotted you, Rich, and the look you gave her, nearly sent the place up in smoke, I thought then you’d marry."

Her breath hitched, but she smiled through it. "She gave our boy a run for his money. Then there was the night we went to my friends’ Jazz club in England. She was dolled up to the nines, if I'd batted for the pink team, I'd have tried to pull her myself. Sorry, Ma."

There was rowdy laughter, and a few catcalls. Richie managed a smile, and Jon clapped his back.

Gail continued, "But I don't, so I didn't. She couldn't believe when we walked up to the club that we were treated like rock stars. My friends loved her on sight, I think everyone who Hath met loved her, hell even her minions thought she walked on water! The amount of men who hit on her that night was amazing."

Richie frowned at that.

"Don’t worry, Rich," Gail laughed, "she turned each of them down with a smile and some soothing words; her heart already belonged to you. She could do that, you know; make a ‘no’ sound like a great idea. The guys left with smiles on their faces. I remember too when we'd got our buzz on doing a few turns on the bar, bumping and grinding. Summer said she'd hire us to dance full time, we both looked at her and told her she couldn't afford us! Christ I'm going to miss her so fucking much!"

Jen’s brother stood, icy cold beer in his hand.

"Growing up, I hated my sistah. She was oldah and bettah at school than I was and of course I had all the same teachiz, so there was this expectation that I’d be a braniac like she was. Nope. I wasn’t. But when she graduated high school and went off to college, something strange happened. We became friends.

"When I turned twenty-one, she volunteered to be my designated drivah so my frat brothiz could take me out drinking. We all got stinking drunk, but my sistah, bless her, handled a cah full of rowdy 21-year-olds with ease. She’d known most of them since we were all in high school togethah, and she was their honorary big sistah."

Some of John's friends, Jennifer's honorary younger brothers, were scattered throughout the room and stood raised their own glasses or bottles.

"Sit down, you idiots," John said. "Anyways, by the third or fourth bah, I can’t remember which, my buddy Kirk," he shot an annoyed glande at his friend, "decided he was in love. Yeah, with Jen. He kept flirting with her and she kept ignoring him, which made him flirt hahdah. Man, he was pathetic. Anyways, at the end of the night, when she was dropping us off back at the frat house, Kirk got out of the backseat and slid into the front. He put his ahm around Jen and said, 'I love you'.”

Everyone laughed, even Richie. He could just about imagine where John was going with this. "Jen looked right at him, and I swear I thought Kirk was going to die. She says, “I love you too. Now get out of my cah before you throw up. It’d be a shame to have to kick your ass up and down frat row. Kirk looks at her and says, 'but you love me!' And Jen smiled sweetly and said, 'yeah, but I love my cah more.'"

Richie laughed hard at John’s story, then felt guilty for the laughter. But he felt the band that was constricting his heart loosen a little. He didn’t think this was going to be a good idea, but now he was glad he came.

Cheryl stood next.

"You know what I remember so clearly it’s like it was yesterday? It was back at the end of June and I was at work and my phone rang. It was Jen and she told me she had something important to tell me and that I needed to go someplace private in my office. That’s when she told me that her new secret lover (ha!) was actually Richie. I remember my mouth dropping open like an idiot and not being able to talk, which was ok because she was telling me all about how they met and spent time together in Southampton. We were going to be meeting in Boston shortly thereafter and she knew I would have the chance to meet Rich then and wanted me to be prepared."

She looked at Richie with soft eyes. "I just remember how she sounded… over the frickin’ moon happy, like I’d never heard her before. Even then I knew you would end up together… but I never expected your story to end this soon. I miss her so much...I can’t even imagine how you and Ava and Ma and John and the rest of the family are feeling. I’ve never been more a part of any family as they have made me feel from the moment Jen and I became friends. My heart is breaking for them all even more than it is breaking for me."

Mary Agnes stood and looked at her son-in-law. “Richard, I didn’t want to say anything in case I couldn’t find it, but I have a letter from Jennifer from the very first time you two ever met.” She pulled an envelope from her bag. “She always wrote to us; was open and honest with us about everything.”

Richie could see Jen’s handwriting on the front and his heart squeezed. He longed to pull the letter from Ma’s hand so he could hold something SHE had created. Mary Agnes extracted a sheet of paper from the envelope, unfolded it, and began to read.


November 16, 1991

Hi Ma and Daddy!

This was the best birthday EVER! What a way to turn twenty-one! San Diego is gorgeous, the weather is perfect, and I don’t want to come home. Before you have a heart attack, Daddy, I’m just saying. I’m still coming home to finish school, don’t worry, ha ha ha.

But the concert was ABSOLUTE perfection. I was sitting so close, I could see his eyes sparkle under the lights, and when he was leaning away from the microphone to say something to his traveling band, I could still hear the rumble of his voice. The music was amazing, HE was amazing, and I was so bummed to see the evening end, but you’ll NEVER guess what happened after!!

I MET HIM!

After the show, he was hanging around meeting the fans and posing for pictures and signing stuff, and I waited forever to get up there with this whole little speech prepared in my head just to freeze up. I’m twenty-one for God’s sake, not some star-struck teenager. Well, tonight, I was a star-struck teenager. Then he smiled and I forgot my name, and I think I’m in love.

I can practically see you shaking your heads. Don’t worry about me; this is just a harmless crush, and I’ll save the gory details for Krissy, but damn (yes, damn) if he isn’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen close up. He was really nice too. He saw I was all goofy, and didn’t make fun of me. In fact he was all fun. He recognized my accent as being East Coast and called me on it.

I said, “Yep, flew out from Beantown this morning just for you," then turned eighty-seven different shades of red.

What I remember clearly is that he took my hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I swear to God, I swooned (ha ha) and you KNOW that isn’t my style. Anyway, he said, "well thank you, darlin', that was real nice of you."

Then I made him laugh which was the best sound I’d ever heard. I said, "anytime, just let me know where you'll be, and I'll be there will bells on." Then some bimbo pushed me out of the way. Yeah, sure, like he was trolling. The man dates Cher for cryin’ out loud. Anyway, I looked at this woman and said, "relax, sweet-cheeks, it's not like he's leaving with me," and winked at him, making him laugh again.

I'm surprised I got that many words out without sounding like a bleeping idiot. I threw up when I got back to the hotel. It was just a fabulous experience, and I’ve got a special memory that will last me forever.

I know I’m coming home in a couple days, and will probably arrive home at about the same time this letter reaches you, but I had to write as soon as I got to the hotel. I had to tell you what a fantastic time I had. How do you feel about long-haired rock-n-rollers? Ha ha.

Love you guys.

See you soon!

Love, Jen

When she was done, she folded the letter back up and handed it and the envelope to Richie. “You keep this. Keep this and know she loved you from the start, even if it was just a crush back then. You are a very special man, and you made her so happy,” Ma’s eyes were tearing up. “Thank you for putting the light back into her eyes.” She kissed his cheek. “And for the record, we like long haired rock-n-rollers just fine.”

She hugged Richie close, and as he held his mother-in-law to him, the heart-band loosened a little more. Straightening, he cleared his throat.

“I suppose I should say something too, but I don’t know where to start. She was my heart. My other half. I remember when Jon gave me her number, I called her like a dozen times that first day. She was at church at some choir thing for Joanna,” he smiled at John and Sue, “and though she said she knew it was me, it was her niece’s day. That’s what I loved most about her. Her selflessness. She put everyone else first.”

Richie had to clear his throat and take a sip of water. He desperately wanted something far stronger, but knew that Jennifer would be disappointed in him if he did. “She did that with my daughter, too. I wanted them to meet, but Ava’s mother was going through a rough time, and Jen didn’t want to over-burden my little girl. And my mother. I brought my mother with me to visit, didn’t tell Jen—”

“That wasn’t very smaht,” Jen’s brother called out.

“Yeah, I know,” Richie said chuckling, “but she took it in stride, and went out of her way to make them welcome in her home and her life. They spent a week redecorating a room for Ava so she’d have someplace that was totally hers when she came to visit.”

Richie shook his head. “I know I haven’t known or loved her as long as most of you, but I loved her with every fiber of my being. I will always love her.” He raised his water glass to the sky. “Jennifer, darlin’, I miss you something awful. I’m not complete without you. I love you.” He sat down and Jon put an arm around his buddy’s shoulder.

“That was nice, man,” Jon said.

Richie just smiled sadly at Jon. “I’m ready to go now,” he said.

When they left, just the two of them, the others stayed behind, reminiscing and laughing. When Richie got back to Jen’s house, he went up into her bedroom and shut the door. Looking at the mess he had made, he started cleaning up. He lined all the shoes back in the closet, and hung up the coats. He re-folded the sweaters and put them back on the shelves or in the drawers, and all the sweatshirts but one went back into the chest.

Smiling to himself, he stuffed Jen’s pillow into the sweatshirt. She had told him once that when she missed him, she’d put one of his t-shirts over the pillow and lay on it, and imagined she could hear his heart. He did that now, shucking the suit he wore and climbing into bed in his boxers. He lay his head on the sweatshirt-pillow and sighed. If he tried hard, he could hear the faint beating of a heart. He brought his left hand up to rest beside his face, so he could stare at his wedding ring.

“Good night, Jennifer,” he said, then closed his eyes.

Long hours later, he fell asleep.

Goddess’ Note: Thanks Stephanie, Willow, and Gail for sharing your Hath memories :)